Jan 5th, 2009, 7:43pm.

Running On Empty

Speaking of “Running on Empty,” Peter and I ran into Jackson Browne (the guy who did the song by the same title that may be running through your head right now, if you are familiar with 70’s rock) at the Troubadour in Hollywood one night. I mean, I literally ran into him. He was cool about it, though. He and I saw eye to eye, if you know what I mean (if you don’t, it could be that you don’t know that I’m all of 5 foot, 2 inches in stature.)

So, do ya ever wish there was some kind of gas station for hope? So when times get tough and you look down at your “faith gauge,” and see that you need to fill up, you could just go and get filled up somewhere, hoping the price isn’t too high?

Some might argue that what church is for, but what if it doesn’t help? What if you drag your sleepy self out of bed early every Sunday morning, put on nicer than usual clothing, paste on a smile, spend time serving others, and then sit and try to stay awake through another sermon, and then when it’s all over you walk out the door dragging the same anchor of anguish behind you? And maybe the level of despair is increased.

But you keep on truckin’, as they said in Smokey and the Bandit (my mom was a big 70’s Burt Reynolds fan). But then the little warning light keeps coming on. Like you need it to tell you are dangerously low on fuel.

How do you count it all joy when you encounter various trials, as the Epistle of James says in the Bible?

I hear God whispering in my ear that it’s not about church or manmade things. It’s about a relationship. My relationship with Him. It’s about trust. And love.

Somehow, faith, hope, love and trust – words that get thrown around so often they’ve almost lost their meaning -- are connected somehow, like supernatural Lego’s. Only I don’t have the instructions on how to put them together so they build something beautiful and useful.

So I wait. Which is still hard. Don’t you think “waiting” should be spelled like “weighting,” since it’s so heavy and hard to do?

All I can do is say, “Uncle!” “Uncle!” I give, I give. Maybe that’s when the filling will start. I hope so. There’s one of those words again.

Grace & peace,

Maddy

 

***

Dec 31, 2008  9:38pm

Okay, so I’m resisting the urge to do the ubiquitous gaze back over the year, being New Year’s Eve and all. So, I won’t. We should always be looking forward and pressing on to what lies ahead, right?

I’m also resisting the urge to become one of those negative snarky bloggers. My sarcastic nature is so chomping at the bit. But I appreciate this time we have together – you spending your precious time reading my rambling streams of consciousness. Peter encouraged me to let my freaky thoughts fly out into cyberspace. He’s so sweet and a great encourager.

Oh yeah, Peter is my husband. You might not know that unless you’ve read my story about how we met and our battle to stay pure in The Garden Key. I’m truly blessed to have a husband like him. And I don’t mean “truly blessed” in the common Christian-ese cliché. I mean he is like the embodiment of God’s mercy and grace. He is a true gift from God.

He gave me the nickname “Mad” (see blog title). He said “Madeleine” was beautiful but formal, and “Maddy,” well, that’s what all my friends call me, and he wanted a name for me that only he uses. So “Mad” stuck. He told me it suits me because I’m little bit nuts (but in a good way, he said). I like it.

So this is my first blog….so um…yeah….uh…not really sure what to say, other than “hi” and I’m glad you’re here. Kinda feels like a first date! I promise to be more prolific and inspiring in future blogs. And I welcome your comments.

Thanks for stopping by, and I hope to get to know you more. Please feel free to download a pdf file of The Garden Key. I would love to share my story with you!

Grace & peace,

Madeleine (Winger) McManus